Consultant
by A Wordsmith
Summary: He's Tony Stark, and he's just saved the world. That should give him even the tiniest bit of merit, right? Wrong. Fury hits him up for more of his shit and the rest of the Avengers aren't that welcoming. Bruce might be the only sun on a rainy day. Well. SHIELD is a drain on his resources and he's never played well with teams. Why should he start now?


Consultant (kun-sul-tant) noun

 _A professional who provides expert advice in a varying range of expertizes._

Tony Stark, beaten and bruised and barely breathing, stumbled into his penthouse and collapsed on the bed.

His chest hurt from Loki's encounters, and there were tiny cuts from glass all over his body. A little chunk was lodged in his lower leg, and he idly wandered over to his bathroom for tweezers. His legs and legs were pounding from the strain of calling his suit in midair. They had nearly been bent backward. His head ached from balancing a _fucking nuclear missile_ on it.

And his mind?

Well, he didn't pay too much thought to that right now.

His stomach was full of shawarma and the evil was dealt with and he had teammates that actually gave a shit about him, no matter what Natasha thought. No matter what Fury thought of him. Everything was perfect.

He finished fishing the sliver of glass out of his leg - not too bad actually, and after he pressed a finger against the cut it stopped bleeding soon - and dropped it in the trash by his sink. Then he washed his hands, didn't look in the mirror, walked to his bed, and passed out.

The next morning, he was woken up at an ungodly hour by his phone buzzing away at his bedside table. He hadn't shut it off last night, a little more concerned with the fact that he had just stopped a fucking god.

Normally, he would have chucked it across the room, expenses be damned, but he was feeling generous so he plucked it off the bedside table, calling out to JARVIS at the same time. "J? Time?"

His AI seemed a little surprised for him to be up at this hour. "The time is 4:12 am, sir. It is warm with a few clouds outside, and the sun will rise at 6:51 am."

"Fury, you sack of shit," he muttered, finally making out the name on the screen. A new email titled 'urgent, Stark'. That bloody pirate, expecting him up at this hour without so much as a 'good morning'. Well, screw him, Tony mused, pulling up the email.

 _Stark_

 _Thor decided to take Loki back up to Asgard, but we're having some problems keeping him contained. Right now he's knocked out but that won't last for long. Get me some handcuffs or some crap that can contain his magic._

 _It better be goddamn perfect by the time you show up._

"He didn't ask any of the other Avengers, did he?" Tony yawned, fingers curling through his hair. Still, there was a burst of pride. _Avenger_. Something else to add to his titles he had spent decades building as a shield from the world.

"I believe not, sir." JARVIS was calm as always, still softening his voice to not force Tony to wake up too fast. His baby boy was so considerate.

Unlike some assholes. "Well, is anyone else up? If it's Barton, I can at least complain to him."

There was a short pause, and then his voice came back. "Miss Romanov is currently up and has been for thirty-two minutes. She has not left her room, and is on your computer."

" _Her_ computer, J."

"Of course, sir. My mistake."

Tony paused. "Was that contempt I heard? J, who programmed you? I would _not_ make you so insolent!"

"Of course not, sir. Just myself." And that was definitely something in his voice, something that had only come up when he was talking about Natasha.

"What's she doing? Planning to take down the president or something?" He pushed himself out of his bed, sheets roiling around his legs. He bet he could build _something_ for Fury before anyone else woke up, and then he could lord it superiority over Rodger's head.

Steve's head. He would have to get used to that.

But back to the handcuffs. Maybe something that shocked Loki whenever his heart rate rose too fast? It had to be hard to cast the magic he used.

"She is editing your file on SHIELD's database, sir. She finished approximately three minutes ago and is currently reading over it again."

Tony perked up, slipping out of his door and heading straight to the elevator. "J, pull up my file as soon as I get down there. Yes yes, I know that's hacking SHIELD's oh-so-secret files, but just use your bug and pull them up. Fury won't notice. Can you highlight what she changed?"

"Of course, sir."

The elevator slid shut and then open quickly, pushing him out into his lab. Blue holograms popped into existence, bringing up a list of docs with one massive block of highlighted text. Carefully, he spread his fingers, zooming in closer.

 _Iron Man is an immense help on the battlefield. He takes orders beautifully from the Captain and is a much-needed aerial support when Thor cannot get there. He sometimes attempts to make plans of his own and while those don't work very well, he can follow simple commands perfectly. I would suggest that he hangs back in the beginning of a battle for us to see whether we need him, as he is quite distracting and destructive. I will finish my conclusion on Tony Stark as soon as I can get closer to him_.

Oh.

He reached up subconsciously and pulled a chair underneath him, collapsing quickly onto it. JARVIS was strangely quiet, moving the hologram to stay in front of his face.

"It's too early for this shit," he muttered, eyes flicking over the words. "J? Are we sure that this is her?"

"It is indeed, sir. I believe that when she was writing this, she made it private to Fury and herself only, and is now currently double checking the security."

"Make sure she doesn't see us," he said absentmindedly.

"On it, sir."

So. That's what she thought of him. A destructive force that could only take orders and maybe shouldn't be allowed in some battles. A fucking 'immense help' in the suit and yet she doesn't rate him as an actual human being.

His hand pushed down, the page scrolling to the part he had read so many times. There weren't any highlighted parts here.

 _Iron Man, yes; Tony Stark, not recommended._

Written by Natasha Romanov. Natalie Rushman.

Jesus, was anyone else going to screw him over in this world? Capsicle still had his head up his ass and either thought he wasn't good enough to be Howard's son or just a man in a suit of armor. Barton probably had to piss at the same time as Natasha so he was out. Thor was their main aerial support, all he was thinking about otherwise was his 'lady Jane'. Bruce was the only one that actually seemed to understand about being smart and unliked.

His phone pinged again. Fury wanted an update on the handcuffs.

And even the one-eyed man himself didn't care. He wasn't an Avenger, but it was okay to send him on missions and risk his life with a fucking nuclear bomb dropped on one of the most populated cities in the world and then have the audacity to hit him up for random tech.

His mind flickered, bringing up the definition of consultant.

Advice, huh.

He had built nearly every fucking thing in SHIELD, inside and out. The Helicarrier? Him. A majority of their building? Him. The fancy-ass tech the other Avengers used? Him.

And he paid them fees and covered up their messes and now Fury wanted him to house the other Avengers? Pay for their food, for their electricity, for their clothing and all of their other shit.

He didn't even need to be on a team - he had been saving the world fine before. Give him a single meeting with the president and he could give himself a license to stop bad guys with minimal casualties. Hell, he could go pull kittens out of a burning building if he wanted to, not because Fury called them.

The Avengers. There had still been the niggling little sensation of pride and warmth in his chest that morning, but that had changed. This thing had brought him one new thing that was good. Bruce. A scientist who could hulk out, but other than that would be wonderful to work with. He'd already roped the man into spending the night in the tower, it wouldn't take much longer to get him staying here permanently.

Those would be bills he could be happy to pay, because the lab equipment and the tools and chemicals would be spent in a lab with the both of them ducking under tables with explosions gone wrong and creating new things to give to the public. Yes, Bruce would be perfect.

Thor could pop by every now and then, talk a bit about his adventures before kindly shooing him out of a window. He was nice in small portions.

But the rest of them?

They could rot in hell.

He was caught up in the fact of being a team, but looking back, he could recognize. Natasha didn't respect or trust him. (It went both ways)

Rodgers hated him because of how he wasn't this father.

He hadn't interacted much with Barton but there had been furious glances over shoulders. He could do without.

Pepper would love it, one less situation of danger. Rhodey might take a little convincing but not much. There was only one being more he had to get permission from.

"J?"

JARVIS reacted instantly. "Yes, sir?"

"Should I stay on the Avengers? Should I stay with SHIELD?"

There wasn't even a pause. "Absolutely not, sir," he said firmly. "SHIELD is a drain on your money and so far, the Avengers have been shown to be less than welcoming."

"I'm keeping Bruce."

There was a crackle that might have been a sigh. "That would be a wise decision, sir. I would have even recommended it."

Well then.

His first time on a team and he was quitting it, quitting a company, and quitting a terrible position that would have gotten him nowhere. "Put away that file and strengthen your bug in their systems. Also, please pull up Fury's ugly face."

"On it, sir. May I suggest that you wait until all of the other Avengers are up before delivering the news, so that you may send them back to the base immediately while not giving him any time to prepare?"

Tony blinked. "Ooh, J, I have no idea where you come up with these plans, but I'm certainly enjoying them! When will the others be up?"

There was a certain smugness in his voice. "Mr. Banner has just woken up and is currently heading to the kitchen. May I also suggest that you talk to him first?"

Tony grinned. "Showtime."

The elevator door slid open and he trotted over, the hologram of the file disappearing behind him. He sat inside his fancy metal container, feeling the floors zip away beneath him.

He was really doing it.

Pepper was going to be so proud.

The elevator opened into darkness, but JARVIS immediately struck on dim, pale blue lights that glowed from hidden spots in the ceiling. He marched on, keeping his footsteps quiet. He didn't want to wake anyone else.

The kitchen was fucking enormous, if he did say so himself. Four different stoves and matching microwaves, counters galore, a bar designers had wet dreams about. And sitting on one of the stools was Bruce Banner, eyes closed.

He was wearing just average Joe clothing, shirt and pants that were quite plain. Yellow on top, blue on bottom.

Tony carefully clicked one of his heels as he walked in, and Bruce instantly snapped to life. "Tony!"

His eyes, though they had been closed, had instantly focused on him. He was used to waking up to threats.

Oh yes, he was definitely keeping Bruce.

"Did I wake you up? I'm sorry."

Tony grinned, meandering over to sit next to Bruce. "No, just myself. What brings such a fine gentleman as yourself here?"

"Oh, just couldn't sleep. There's still a lot of adrenaline in me."

"How do you like the tower?" _Be very subtle, Stark. Very subtle._

Bruce hid a yawn. "It's very large, and I don't think I've ever had a bed that soft. You said you have labs here?"

"Yes! One of them is more of a chemistry lab, so you'd fit right in!"

And there was that awkward smile, the shuffling of feet, the clenching of hands. "I'm sorry Tony, but I don't think I'll be staying. I mean, everyone else-"

"I'm getting rid of the Avengers."

Bruce blinked, eyes fully open.

"We're never going to work, and I'm pretty sure that none of them like me, Brucie-bear. Natasha still treats you like a piece of shit and Clint will follow her, and while Thor's sweet Steve is just a nightmare. What did you say we were again?"

"A time bomb," he muttered, all traces of sleepiness out of his voice and body. He stared around the kitchen, eyes narrowed in thought.

"I'm cutting my ties with SHIELD, too. They want to lock you up and keep using my money for their shit without actually making me an Avenger. It's not good for either of us."

Bruce was wavering. He could see it, see the part that wanted to run across the world and find a desert but also the part that wanted to stay, which was only getting more and more sweet as Tony removed the problems. He had to strike harder.

"We don't even have to save the world much, Bruce. Sure we did now and it won't take me very long to get you a basic license, but we won't have to. If your little Hulk is a wee bit too excited, then we can leave it to others, and just sit back here and blow up shit. You can create to your heart's content and never have to worry about pay or cost or secret little missions called in the night."

And with that, Bruce fell off the fence and landed on his side.

"Alright," he started. "But-"

"Yes!" Tony crowed, leaping from the stool. The lights flared brighter as he performed a sort of strange rain ritual dance. "I knew it, I knew it, _I knew it_ …"

And Bruce just laughed, still full of that gentle shyness Tony was determined to crush. But then he asked his own goddamn question, which was the best thing that had happened so far. "When are you going to tell the others?"

"When they wake up, so I can package them off to Fury without any sort of planning from him. I can get the papers to make this all official by the end of the day, and then we can wipe our hands clean. This tower is one of the safest places on Earth other than locking ourselves in Fort Knox, so we'll be fine if they throw a hissy fit." He stared over at Bruce, brows raising. "Do you want to be there?"

A blink. A pause. "Yes. I want- I need to see what happens."

He stepped forward and gently clapped him on the back, smile wide and hopes wider. "That's the spirit. Say. How do you feel about a cup of the best fucking beverage on the planet?"

It was two long hours before everyone else woke up. They spent it in the kitchen, the first minutes awkward before Tony squashed it. He knew the man liked to cook - had read his files - and so he dug out every single dish and ingredient he had a dumped it in front of Bruce, who stared with wide eyes.

Not long after, he was sipping coffee while Bruce happily chopped carrots. He was making some sort of potato-bacon soup and then a casserole. Still vegetarian but hell, if the thing tasted as good as it smelled, Tony was willing to give up meat for him.

JARVIS came on after a while to tell them that Barton had woken up, but he had locked the door to their room. Then Rodgers, and then finally Thor, who was the last. All of their doors clicked open and the elevators hummed, opening quickly into the commons.

JARVIS turned on the lights to normal. His baby boy was so vindictive.

"What the hell, Stark?" Barton barked, squinting but quickly adjusting. "I woke up this morning and you had locked my fucking door!"

Steve frowned but nodded. "You can't do that, Tony. I know this is your home but if we are to be living here, then you can't just-"

And then he interrupted, feeling like the world was at his back. Bruce was sitting quietly on one of his stools, but there was still a smile on his face and his eyes, while focused on the ex-team, were also flicking back to his soup, which was bubbling on the stove. It was perfect.

"Well then, I'll solve both of our problems. Get out."

They stared at him.

"Scram. Toodle-o. Fucking _leave_."

Bruce shuffled behind him, and Tony grudgingly adjusted his statement. "Well, not you, Point Blank. You're allowed to visit, but I'm sure you'd rather spend most of your time with Lady Jane."

Thor honest-to-god perked up, nodding. His hammer was at his side but he wasn't threatening, just a sleepy Asgardian god wearing pajamas.

That wasn't a sentence you heard every day. He swiped his phone, quickly tapping out a command to J. _Take a picture of Thor_.

He knew it had happened.

"But the rest of you, out. I'm not housing you any longer and you can fuck off to whatever hole Fury dragged you from."

And then Steve, feathers ruffled so much he was a peacock, finally retorted. "Tony, don't do this. I understand you may be a little upset about how things went but we're a team now. We have to work through all of this, and Fury told us to stay with you."

Tony let him talk through it all, sipping on his coffee. Bruce stood up halfway through and walked to his soup, turning down the flames and stirring it. He hid his smile in the glass, not responding.

Then Natasha - _Romanov_ \- spoke up. "Fury won't stand for this. You'll be lucky to even be allowed to have your suit, let alone pilot it."

And his eyes, still warm and bright but now piercing, snapped to her. "Is that so, Rushman? Right now I don't give a fuck what Fury or you think, courtesy of the report you were so keen to leave on my file."

To her credit, she barely flinched, just darkening her glare.

"You used _my_ fucking computer at _my_ fucking house and expected everything to be fine and dandy?"

"Most people don't use their butler to hack others' computers, Stark," she bit out.

"Well I will if that someone is writing something on my fucking file."

Steve opened his mouth to speak but Clint pushed his way forward, mouth set in an angry frown. "Listen, Stark. You're an asshole but you have to listen to Fury's orders, and you can't just kick us out. You don't let us stay here, we don't let you stay on as an Avenger."

And there it was, there was the kicker he had been waiting for. "Really?"

They all nodded, except for Thor. But Thor was also wandering over to the window and looking out.

"Well then, fuck off. I don't need you and I don't need to be an Avenger."

Steve actually growled and stepped forward, but Tony didn't move. "Fuck off, fuck off - I know this word is in your vocabulary Rodgers - fuck off, _fuck off_."

And then he saw it, the fury and anger in Romanov he had seen before. She thought he was bluffing, thought he was dressing himself up to do something but the second they went to Fury he'd just back down. He met her gaze with all of the playful happiness he could muster, taking a drink of his coffee. She'd leave, go straight to Fury and expect him to make Tony take them back, probably with substantial apology gifts.

Yeah, no. Fuck that.

"What are you waiting for?"

Romanov stood, putting a hand on both Rodger and Barton's shoulder. "He's not worth it," she muttered. "Fury-" and then her voice got too quiet for him to hear. He didn't pay it any mind.

And then they were standing and heading toward the large elevator that led to the outside. Romanov turned around one final time as Thor wandered in, eyes sharp.

"Bruce?"

Bruce jerked to life, ladle in hand. "What?"

"Come on." Barton sneered. "Tony won't let you stay in his big ol' fancy-ass tower anymore-"

"Actually, I will be. Carry on, Brucie-bear." He grinned, eyes wide.

Barton flexed his arms and started to move forward before Romanov caught him in the chest, pushing him back in the elevator. She pushed the button to go down and never looked back.

Tony collapsed backward even as JARVIS' voice came on, telling them of the group's progress.

"They are at the front door."

"Miss Romanov has dropped a bug that I will remove as soon as possible."

"They are walking down the street."

"They are out of range of my sensors."

"Brilliant, J," Tony murmured, smiling happily. He snapped back to Bruce. "Well? What did you think?"

Bruce smiled at him, still that same gentle shyness, but he was Tony fucking Stark and f he couldn't help his friend build a backbone from fucking steel than he wasn't who he said he was. "Not bad."

"You wound me, Brucie-bear. Lemme call up the pirate himself and see how many fucks I can get him to give in a single conversation."

JARVIS hummed and a blank screen popped up, a faint ringing of a phone buzzing away.

He had Bruce Banner, Hulk extraordinaire at his back making soup. A cup of coffee in one hand and a bowl and spoon in the other. Pepper would be so proud of him.

In only a few seconds, the screen changed to Fury, wearing his eyepatch and in his office. "Stark. This had better be good. Any update on the handcuffs?"

"Something better than that, Fury."

The man quirked an eyebrow. "Oh? You've solved world fucking hunger?"

Bruce raised a finger, and Tony bit back a cackle.

"No. I've sent your pet Avengers back to the base. They should get there in ten minutes if someone doesn't drop a nuclear bomb on them."

There was a pause. "I told you to let them stay in your fucking tower, Stark. If you can't fucking understand _one simple command_ -"

"Then you'll what, Fury?" he answered calmly. "Then you'll kick me off the team? Wasn't on there anyway. You'll force me to make another Helicarrier? Good-fucking-luck. You'll bring up how much of a disappointment I am? Don't care."

"You know what this is, Fury? My two-week notice, given around two hours before I quit. You won't be able to call me up to save the world, save you from a hacking, save you from 'a misfiring gun'. I'll be out of your control."

Fury glared at him with much more heat than one eye should be able to produce. "This isn't a fucking joke, Stark. If you quit now, you'll never be able to return. We won't accept you crawling back to us."

"Well, I don't plan to. Here you go, one certified non-SHIELD Tony Stark and his tasteful scientist buddy, Bruce Banner."

Bruce hesitantly waved a hand as Fury's attention snapped to him. "I'm quitting too."

Fury opened his mouth but Tony interrupted him. "So that's that. Fuck off."

And then he cut the connection and laughed.

Bruce held up four fingers. "That wasn't that much."

And he laughed harder, and Bruce joined in. They stayed like that for what seemed like forever.

* * *

 **Hey guys, what do you think?**

 **First Avengers fic! I'm pretty proud.**

 **I was just looking up jobs and consultant came up, and as I read the description I was pretty sure that whatever Tony was, is wasn't this.**

 **And so this fic was born!**

 **But yeah, I hope you enjoyed this. I have no problems with writing a sequel, but I just don't know what it'd be on. Maybe you guys can tell me!**

 **Anyway! Please read and review!**

 **Frost OUT!**


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